


The Way We Used To Be

by AdoreAdore54



Series: The Adventures of James Buchanan Barnes and his Deserumed Boyfriend [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: De-Serumed Steve Rogers, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Natasha Romanov, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 02:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14202828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdoreAdore54/pseuds/AdoreAdore54
Summary: “There’s still no indication that the gas has done anything more malicious than reverse the effects of the serum-““As malicious goes, I’d say that’s pretty high on the scale. Imagine going from a beefcake with the muscles of an Olympic weightlifter to a five-foot-nothing scrawny little guy.”“Not helpful, Tony.”---It was only meant to be a routine data-gathering mission. None of them suspected the base to be in use, let alone house a gas designed to reverse the effects of the super-soldier serum, but, well, here they are.Or: Steve gets de-serumed on a mission and Bucky feels guilty for the part of him that's grateful he gets to see the Steve he first fell in love with again.





	The Way We Used To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Steve and Bucky are in a relationship prior to the start of this fic and have been since their youth.
> 
> Basically, I love the idea of Bucky getting to see Steve as he remembers him from their past again and thus this fic was born.
> 
> I'm not really sure when this is meant to be set... Some time after Black Panther maybe? But in a world where Civil War ended more peacefully. Let's go with that.

It was only supposed to be a simple information gathering mission. Break into a Hydra science base, recon the area, download any information that hadn’t been wiped from the system and leave. Their intel suggested the base had been abandoned.

Their intel had been wrong.

As soon as Bucky, Steve, Natasha and Sam had stepped foot past the gates of the facility, they’d been set upon by soldiers. Bucky hadn’t even made it to any of the facility’s main buildings - once the four of them had fought off most of the soldiers coming at them, he sent the others on while he remained to deal with the rest.

“Gates are secure,” he informs the others once he’s dealt with the remaining Hydra agents and used a metal beam to force the gates closed - it wouldn’t hold but it was better than nothing. “Locations?”

“I’m heading to the North West lab, it’s quiet down here so far,” Steve responds, “ Sam’s scouting the perimeter. Natasha?”

“Made it to the South East lab. Wanna come keep the assholes guarding it company while I search the area?” Natasha’s voice is ever so slightly strained, suggesting that she’s currently engaged in the type of combat that would leave most people seriously injured, gasping for air or, more likely, dead.

“Could never resist an offer from a pretty lady,” Bucky smirks, already running in the direction of the building.

When he’s close enough that Natasha can see him, she kicks the Hydra agent she’s currently fighting hard enough in the head to stun him so that she can slip into the building unhindered.

“All yours, Barnes.”

Bucky can already see four more agents running towards him and positions himself between them and the door so that he can stop them from following Natasha.

“Perimeter’s clear so far, Cap. Redwing’s positioned by the back gate but it doesn’t look like they’ve called for back up.” Bucky vaguely hears Sam’s voice over the comms.

“Good. I’ve made it to the lab, Sam, it’s pretty well guarded.”

“Copy that.” Bucky catches sight of Sam in the air on the opposite side of the facility briefly before he disappears behind one of the buildings.

“Hey, Barnes,” Natasha’s voice cuts in over the comms, “don’t sweat it if you let one or two of the agents through the door, it’s deserted in here.”

“I am _not_ about to start pulling my punches on these guys cause you’re bored in there waiting for the download, Nat. Get on with your spy shit.”

“Thought you couldn’t refuse a pretty lady?”

“Concentrate on the job in hand, guys," Steve reprimands. 

“Oh shit,” Bucky can _hear_ Natasha’s grin, “Steve’s using his Captain America voice, we’re in trouble, Barnes.”

“ _He’s a spoilsport,_ ” Bucky responds in Russian as he knocks out the last of the Hydra agents outside the building.

“You know I know you’re talking about me when you switch to Russian, Barnes.”

Bucky knows.

“Okay,” Sam chimes in sounding exasperated, “just so you all know - I’m electing to ignore all this weird sexual tension and be the adult here. Barnes stop trying to rile Steve up, leave it to the bedroom; Cap you _know_ he’s only doing it to get a reaction; Natasha, stop encouraging Barnes. Now, moving on, Cap: I’ve got heat signatures inside the building too.”

“This has gotta be where they’re keeping whatever it is they’ve been working on. You handle the guards outside and I’ll take the ones inside.”

“Gotcha.”

Bucky spots movement in one of the buildings to his left.

“They’ve got snipers.”

“So much for this being a disused facility," Natasha comments dryly. "Someone from intel’s getting fired. Go deal with the snipers, Barnes, I’m fine in here.”

Bucky manages to make it to the floor where he'd seen the movement without getting shot and gets to work ridding the building of Hydra agents.

For a while the only thing coming over the comms is the sound of fighting, but then Bucky hears something he hasn’t heard for seventy years and a shiver runs down his spine.

_Suddenly he’s a fifteen-year-old kid in Brooklyn holding a shivering, flushed Steve, and desperately hoping that he makes it through the night. Listening to his shaky, rasping coughs and being glad that at least they mean Steve’s still breathing._

He's brought sharply back to the present when the Hydra agent he is fighting capitalises on his distraction and slams him back against the wall, but he barely registers the impact, instead focused on Steve’s coughing and Natasha and Sam’s repeated requests for Steve to tell them his status.

It’s only the feel of a knife being held to his throat that triggers a response as his instincts, the ones Hydra had drilled into him, take over. He kicks the guy hard then uses his metal hand to pull the arm holding the knife back hard enough to break, before slamming him into the wall and letting his body fall to the ground.

By the time he can concentrate on the comms again, Steve is responding.

“I’m okay,” Steve sounds short of breath, his gasps frequent and small as if he can’t get enough oxygen into his lungs. “I’ve taken care of the agents, but one of them released a gas of some kind-” Steve’s voice cuts off as he dissolves into coughs once more.

“Get out of there!” Bucky is running down the stairs of the building before he even knows where he is going. He has to get to Steve. “Sam get him out!”

“No, don’t! There’s still gas in here. Stay where you are, Sam.”

“Are you hurt?” The calm, authoratative tone of Natasha’s voice finds its way through Bucky’s panic.

“No,” Steve takes a wheezing lungful of air and the same fear that used to grip Bucky whenever he woke in the night to that sound runs through him now. “No I’m okay. The gas doesn’t seem to have injured me.”

“Still, we don’t know what it does, you need to be checked over. Medical are on their way,” Sam says.

Bucky reaches Natasha, who is now standing outside of the South East lab, just as she’s asking Sam “Think you can take Cap and meet them half way?”

“I’m fine, I can carry on with the mission.”

“You don’t sound fine, Steve,” Natasha states simply, throwing Bucky a look that is both concerned and exasperated. “And you know the protocol. If it was one of us you’d be telling us to get checked over. Go. Barnes and I can wrap up here.”

“My scanners are saying that the gas has mostly cleared. Think you can get to the window, Cap? I’ll come to you.”

“Yeah, fourth floor, broken window on the north side.”

“I see it.”

For a moment all Bucky can hear is Steve’s laboured breathing. And then Sam’s shocked voice cuts over the comms. “I thought you said the gas didn’t do anything?”

Bucky’s heart falls through his stomach. He tries repeating to himself _it’s okay it’s okay Steve’s survived worse_ a mantra that he’s started to use on missions in order to help him keep his cool.

“I said it didn’t hurt me.”

Bucky and Natasha share a worried look. “Steve, what’s happened?” Bucky struggles to keep the fear out of his voice, but when Steve doesn’t immediately reply, he can’t help but sound desperate as he repeats himself. “Sam, Steve! Report! What’s happened?”

“Well…” Steve responds, “I think I know what the gas does. It seems Hydra were working on a formula to reverse the effects of the serum.”

 

\---

 

It’s not until he and Natasha are travelling back to the compound that Bucky gets time to think about what’s happening.

Part of him is terrified. The fear that had run through him on hearing Steve’s shaky breaths having settled into a constant dread at the pit of his stomach. Flashes of memories from the past play across his vision. _Steve hunched over unable to breathe. Steve delirious with fever, tossing and turning and making no sense. Steve looking so pale Bucky worries he'll disappear altogether._

Bucky had thought all that was behind them. That, through it all, though they’d both been to hell and back, at least now Steve would be well. 

Not that Bucky would ever stop worrying about Steve. The serum hadn’t taken away his damn pig-headedness, his new size and physique had just meant his opponents had been upgraded from schoolyard bullies to aliens seeking world domination, terrorists, and entire goddamn governments. No, Bucky was well aware that he’d be worrying about Steve getting himself into fights and protecting him for the rest of his life, but the enhanced healing powers and strength provided by the serum certainly lowered the stakes a little. At least now Steve’s body had caught up with his stubborn mind. Or, at least, it had until today.

Bucky tries to remind himself that things are better now. Medicine has advanced; they live with a genius billionaire with access to the best technology America has to offer, and a doctor of biochemistry; they’re no longer just two kids going it alone. _But _, some traitorous part of his mind argues back,_ Steve’s enemies have also got more dangerous, and have access to the same kind of technology. They’ve already managed to take his physical strength, if word got out that Captain America was compromised, there’s no telling what could happen. He’s easy prey now._

Bucky tries to shut out those thoughts. There’s no reason to think the news would get out before they’ve been able to deal with the situation. They’d dealt with all the agents at the facility and performed a thorough check of the surveillance system, destroying any evidence of what had happened.

Then there's the other part of Bucky’s mind, the part he's feeling guilty about, the part that's _happy_. He knows he’s being selfish, but he can’t help but feel grateful for the chance to see Steve as he was again. To have something that existed before all this. Before Hydra got in his head, before he fell from that goddamn train, before the _war_. His memories, whilst returned for the most part, can be hazy and he still often finds himself questioning whether parts of what he remembers are real or whether they're just his brain playing tricks on him. But now, in a few hours, he'll be faced with the Steve from the past, the one he sees in his memories, the living proof that he had existed before all this, that their relationship, their _connection_ , eclipsed decades and death and brainwashing and war.

He buries his face in his hands and shuts his eyes so when, minutes later, Natasha comes to sit next to him, he feels rather than sees her do it.

Slowly, he raises his head and looks her in the eye.

“I’ve called ahead to give them our ETA. Bruce has got the best med team we’ve got working on finding out what this gas is doing to Steve, and he’s looking into the composition of the gas himself. We’ve given him everything we gathered from the base on it. So far it seems as if the only thing the gas has done is reverse the serum’s effects. Other than that, Steve seems healthy. Well,” she pauses, “as healthy as he ever was before the serum.”

“So he was right? It’s not hurting him?” Bucky has to be sure.

“It doesn’t seem to be. It looks like Hydra were working on a way of neutralising the field when enhanced soldiers were involved. Sam got pretty close to the gas too and his results are coming back all clear.”

Bucky nods. “Thank you.”

Natasha smiles at him and then stares into his eyes in the way that always makes him believe she can read his mind.

“Are you okay?”

He could lie to her. Tell her he’s fine. But she’d see right through it. He doesn’t want to lie to her anyway. She’s one of the very few people he trusts. Apart from Steve and his therapist, he talks to her the most about his past. She always listens and understands and never judges him. She’s been through similar things, after all. And so he replies honestly.

“I don’t know.”

She looks at him a moment longer, and then nods, but doesn’t ask him to expand. She knows he will if he wants to. That’s one of the things he likes the most about her. She can tell the difference between his silences which he’s using as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and those that exist because he’s still working on putting his feelings into words. She gets better than most that his recovery is a constant work in progress, but that he _is_ working on it, and so she knows when it’s best not to push him.

“I’m heading back to the cockpit. I’ll let you know if we get any more updates.”

 

\---

 

When they arrive back at the compound, Friday informs them that Steve is having an MRI scan in the medical wing, and that Tony is holding a meeting in the eastern communal area.

“Buckaroo! Widow! Glad you could finally join us,” Tony greets as soon as they walk into the room where all the Avengers who are currently residing in the compound - bar Bruce, Sam and, obviously, Steve, who are in the med lab - are gathered. Wanda and Vision are sitting together on the couch talking with Rhodey who sits across from them in an armchair, while Tony paces up and down between them tapping away at his phone.

“Now that we’re all here…” Tony presses a few buttons on his phone and a projection of Bruce in the med lab appears on the wall. “Any updates?”

“Hey, guys,” Bruce nods towards Natasha and Bucky in greeting. “Sam’s results have all come back clear, the med team is releasing him now so he should be with you soon.”

Tony nods. “And our pint-sized super soldier?”

“There’s still no indication that the gas has done anything more malicious than reverse the effects of the serum-“

“As malicious goes, I’d say that’s pretty high on the scale. Imagine going from a beefcake with the muscles of an Olympic weightlifter to a five foot nothing scrawny little guy.”

“Not helpful, Tony.” Bruce chastises gently, glancing over at Bucky again. When he's sure Bucky isn't about to murder Tony he carries on. “Anyway… we’ve found no signs that it’s contagious, so after we’ve finished our last scan, Steve can be released from quarantine without risk of contaminating those of you – uh of us – who are also enhanced.”

Bruce turns as someone out of shot says something before continuing.

“Uh – or we’ll release him as soon as we can find him some clothes that fit.”

Tony snorts with laughter, and Bucky can’t really blame him. He remembers teasing Steve about his too-big clothes back in the ‘30s and ‘40s, and he has a feeling that even today it’s going to be hard to find Steve anything to wear that’s meant for anyone out of their teen years. That gives him an idea.

“Does Parker leave any spare clothes in his room when he’s not here?” Bucky asks the room at large. The youngest of the team doesn’t officially live at the compound, choosing instead to remain with his aunt, but he has his own room for when he needs to stay overnight on particularly long missions.

“Excellent idea, Barnes,” Tony’s grin stretches from ear to ear. “Bruce, check in the kid’s room, I’m sure he won’t mind. In fact, Cap wearing his clothes will probably fuel a good few of his teenage fantasies for a while. Actually, he’s probably got pyjama pants with Cap’s shield on somewhere. See if you can find that. This is seriously the best idea you’ve had, Barnes, well done.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow at Tony. “Steve’s going to hate that the only clothes that fit him belong to a fifteen-year-old kid.”

“Yup.” Tony responds, popping the ‘p’. Bucky can’t help but smirk back.

 

\---

 

Bucky’s cutting vegetables in the communal kitchen with Wanda when they next hear from Bruce. Since regaining his memories, Bucky's found a new love for cooking. He isn’t an expert by any means - he had never cooked more than toast prior to coming to the Avengers compound and cooking certainly wasn’t on the list of ‘skills’ Hydra had taught him - but he likes that. He enjoys learning something for the first time that belongs only to this version of himself. When he’s cooking, he doesn’t have to worry about whether he’s re-learning things in the right way, or about it triggering any memories associated with Hydra. He still needs help from Wanda, the only other member of the team with any skill in the kitchen, but over time he has come to rely less and less on her instructions, and more on his own instincts. He likes having her with him when he’s in the kitchen, and she enjoys cooking with him too. Bucky suspects there are times when she uses cooking as an escape for her own reasons.

The two of them stop what they’re doing and walk into the lounge together to hear the latest update.

“Steve’s on his way down. Have you heard anything from the media?”

“Friday?” Tony asks.

“No reports of Captain Roger’s situation have been reported so far, Sir.”

“Great, that gives us more time to work on reversing, or – um – re-reversing the effects of the gas.” Bruce sounds relieved and Bucky doesn’t blame him. Recreating the serum is something that has plagued the world’s best scientists for decades, and it usually hasn’t ended well, something Bruce knows all too well. And now, the longer Steve remains ‘deserumed’ – as Tony has taken to calling it – the higher the chances of word getting out and his life being put at risk are. Bucky can’t help but feel bad for the scientist – this whole situation can’t be good for his stress levels.

“Steve will be with you in about five minutes and the preliminary results on the chemical composition of the gas should be back soon.”

“Thanks, Brucie.” Tony smiles as he ends the communication.

This is it. Steve, the Steve Bucky first fell in love with, the one he hasn’t seen since 1943, will be walking through the door soon, and Bucky’s not sure how that makes him feel.  
He briefly considers asking the other Avengers to leave, or going out to meet Steve before he comes into the room, but he knows that would cause a fuss, which, in turn, would probably make Steve more uncomfortable than walking into a room of his colleagues who have yet to see him at 5’4” in the flesh. So he stays where he is and tries his best to remain calm and stop his thoughts from whirring around his head at a mile a minute. 

And then Steve is walking through the door, and Bucky doesn’t have to worry about stilling his thoughts anymore. Since breaking free of Hydra’s hold, he’s had trouble focusing his mind, often unable to shut off the instincts drilled into during years of Hydra’s control, the ones that tell him to scan the room, the people, the exits, the potential weapons, the room, the people, the… He’s always listening for something, anything suspicious, to the point that a slam of a car door can leave him reaching for a knife he no longer keeps on him at all times.

But on seeing Steve walk through the door, his vision focuses in a way it hasn’t for a long time. The rest of the room seems to fade away and Bucky’s attention is completely held by the figure he’s not seen for over seventy years.

_Bucky has known three separate shapes of Steve in his life._

_At the start there was the short skinny boy he first fell in love with, all sharp lines and hard angles, back ramrod straight and chin tilted up defensively, his posture daring others to say something about his small stature._

_Then came Captain America. Broad and tall and exuding confidence and almost unrecognisable to Bucky. He was no longer daring people to fight him, but commanding their attention on the battlefield as they fought beside him._

_But then the third shape of Steve appears. As soon as the two of them alone in Steve's tent, the battlefield behind them, Captain America disappears and is replaced by Steve Rogers. His stance has changed dramatically, Bucky is no longer looking at the defiant, challenging posture of a kid with everything to prove, nor the proud, authoritative silhouette of a captain, but a man with the hunched shoulders and downward gaze of an awkward teenager who’s just experienced a growth spurt and is unaccustomed to their new height. Which, Bucky supposes, Steve is, in a way._

_The man standing before him in that tent may have changed from a small guy desperate to seem taller, to a huge hulking figure trying to force himself down into something less likely to gain unwanted attention, but the gaze he fixes Bucky with is pure Steve; and Bucky knows for the first time that whatever they’ve done to Steve’s body has not changed his mind, and feels relief wash over him._

The Steve that walks into the Avengers’ communal lounge that evening in a century Bucky wasn’t sure he’d live to see is unmistakably defensive. His hands are clenched into fists at his side, his chin raised, and his gaze meeting each and every one of the others in the room in turn.

Bruce has been kind and held off on the Captain America pyjama pants and slogan T-shirts and found Steve some of Peter’s clothes more suited for a man in his late-twenties. Although Bucky can’t help but note that the plain black T-shirt hangs off Steve’s skinny frame, and the cuffs of the jeans have been rolled up.

Everyone in the room is uncharacteristically silent – even Tony simply stares at Steve, albeit with a slightly bemused look on his face.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Shut your mouths, you’ll catch flies.”

_Bucky is immediately taken back to being a thirteen-year-old kid, sitting on the steps outside his apartment with Steve, staring at the girl who had moved in next door the day before. She must have been about seventeen, and, at the time, she was the prettiest thing Bucky ever saw. His ma had come out to introduce herself to the girl and her parents, and had caught the two boys looking. She’d swatted them both on the back of their heads and chided_ shut your mouths, you’ll catch flies _, loud enough that the girl overheard and looked round at them. It was the most embarrassed Bucky had felt in his short thirteen years on earth._

He’s brought back to the present when Steve walks up beside him and places a hand on his arm.

Bucky looks down at him – and isn’t _that_ something he didn’t think he’d be able to do again – and can tell immediately that, despite his defiant air, Steve is uncomfortable. Bucky forgets, sometimes, that below the stubborn exterior and unwavering commitment to his morals, Steve is still concerned with how others view him. Bucky’s gotten used to not having to worry about others judging Steve negatively for his physical appearance, to not needing to jump to his defence like he used to every time they met someone new; but he can see in Steve’s expression that, although he’s trying to appear unbothered, he’s anxious about what the others are thinking.

Bucky takes his hand.

“Wanna come help me and Wanda make dinner?”

Steve smiles and squeezes Bucky’s fingers gratefully before following him into the kitchen.

 

\---

 

By the time dinner is laid out on the table, and Bruce has joined them to eat, the atmosphere is a little more relaxed. The nine of them fall into conversation as they gather round the table. Natasha in particular seems aware of Steve’s insecurities and makes sure to sit next to Steve, taking his right side while Bucky takes his left, and glare at anyone, mainly Tony, she thinks is going to make a comment.

Once they’ve finished eating – Bucky notices that Steve’s food is largely untouched, his appetite clearly diminished now the serum isn’t enhancing his metabolism – Bruce updates them on what’s been happening in the lab.

“Do you mind-?” he looks at Steve and gestures around the table, asking permission to share Steve’s results with the group.

“Go ahead.” That comes out in Steve’s Captain America voice – the blond falling easily into business mode as the conversation turns serious – it’s slightly disconcerting coming from Steve’s small frame, and Bucky can’t help but catch Natasha’s eye over Steve’s head and share a small smile.

Bruce projects some data from his phone into the centre of the table and then brings up three images showing cells.

“This,” he gestures to the first image, “is what Steve’s cells looked like pre-serum. This one next to it is after, and the last image is what we took when Steve arrived back here this afternoon.”

Bucky stares at the images. The second one is noticeably different from the first, but the third is remarkably similar. He frowns.

“The serum is still there.” Tony says.

Bucky looks again at the third image and sees that he’s right. It’s almost identical to the second, the only difference a slight additional ridge around each of the cells.

Bruce nods. “The chemicals in the gas haven’t gotten rid of the serum. They’ve just masked it.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Sam asks from across the table.

“Theoretically, yes. It should be easier for us to create an antidote to these chemicals than it would be for us to create a whole new super-serum.”

Bucky reaches out and squeezes Steve’s thigh under the table. He doesn’t miss the note of uncertainty in Bruce’s voice.

“But?” he asks.

“There is no but,” Bruce responds, “we are working on creating an antidote right now. It’s just – well there’s something else.”

He brings up another set of data, a mixture of numbers and graphs that Bucky supposes must mean something to anyone who knows what this stuff means.

Tony glances over the data before his eyes widen. “The serum’s fighting back.”

Bruce nods again. “It seems the cells are drawing on the regenerative abilities provided by the serum in an attempt to remove the additional chemicals. It’s not been successful so far but-“

“If you can isolate those responses…” Tony interjects, looking at the data with renewed interest.

“We can find out exactly what it is about the serum that works.”

“It’d be the closest we’ve gotten to replicating it for years.”

“Do you still have the blueprints your dad drew up?”

“You know I do.”

“No.” Steve’s voice is firm as he cuts off the scientists’ excited chatter.

“Steve-“ Bruce begins.

“No. You can’t. Think about the trouble that’s been caused trying to create more super soldiers. We can’t risk that.”

“But, Steve, it’s us.” Bruce says gently.

“And you can guarantee the serum, if you recreate it, won’t ever fall into the wrong hands?” The question is rhetorical. They all know there’s no way to guarantee that. “Even if you could, what would our side use it for? We are _not_ turning more people into weapons.”

Bucky suddenly finds it hard to swallow.

Steve reaches a hand down to grasp Bucky’s where it remains on his knee. His grip is reassuring but his hand is clammy and Bucky can tell the risk of more people being put through what Bucky has been has him terrified.

To Bucky’s surprise, it’s Tony who speaks up first. “Okay, Cap. I get it. We’ll put a pin in that idea for now.”

Bruce nods. “All our resources are going on finding an antidote to the gas.”

It’s not a promise that they won’t consider this again, but it’s enough for now. Bucky can feel Steve untense slightly, and the lump in his own throat starts to subside.

Sam stands up and begins clearing the plates. “Anyone for dessert? Pretty sure we’ve got some pie in the fridge.”

Steve gets up too. “Yeah, I’ll help you dish up.”

And with that, the conversation about soldiers and serums is at an end. Bucky feels a rush of affection towards Sam and his ability to read a situation and diffuse it.

By the time they’re half way through their dessert, the tension has all but disappeared. But then Tony leans forward with a curious look on his face and Bucky prepares for the worst.

“So,” he begins, glancing between Steve and Bucky, “I’ve been wondering-“

“That is not a good start to a sentence.” Natasha deadpans.

Tony flips her off before continuing.

“I’ve been wondering about you two.”

Bucky and Steve exchange worried glances, but Tony doesn’t seem deterred. 

“You were _together_ before, when you were Hobbit sized, right?”

The way Tony waves his spoon between them and the emphasis he places on the word ‘together’ make his implications clear.

“Oh, wait… Hobbits are little-“

“I know what they are, Tony. I read the book before you were born.”

Bucky snorts. He knows that’s a lie. Steve hadn’t read the book until after they’d watched the films together last year, but he’s not going to tell Tony that.

“Anyway… You were together. How did that work, exactly? Like, logistically.” Tony waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Tony!” Bruce chastises at the same time Steve deadpans:

“You wanna live demonstration?”

Bucky chokes on his pie.

 

\---

 

Bucky and Steve retire to their rooms shortly after dinner, and Bucky’s relieved to finally get Steve all to himself. He flops straight down on their bed when they reach the bedroom, pulling Steve with him and holding him tightly to his chest.

He buries his face in Steve’s hair and breathes in the warm, familiar scent that’s so unmistakably _Steve_ no matter what his size. He hadn’t realised how drained – both physically and emotionally – he was until that moment, but as soon as he has Steve in his arms the events of the day overwhelm him and he clings to the other man more tightly.

Steve turns in his embrace and looks up at him.

“You okay?”

Bucky smiles fondly. “Typical. You could have died today, you’ve returned to a way you haven’t looked for seventy years, you’ve put up with god knows how many medical exams, and Tony’s questions, and you’re asking me if _I’m_ okay.” Bucky huffs out a laugh. “You’re so self-sacrificing, Rogers.”

“Well I’m sorry you have such a caring partner,” Steve replies as he shoves at him indignantly. But then his voice takes on a more serious tone as he explains: “It’s just – I know you still struggle with remembering the past sometimes and, well, this,” he gestures to his own small frame, “is a pretty big call-back. I wasn’t sure if it would be bad for your recovery to see me like this.”

Butterflies seem to invade Bucky’s stomach at Steve’s words and he has to remind himself to breathe before responding.

“I’m fine,” he replies, and he realises as he says it that it’s the truth. “It’s actually nice to have the proof that the version of us I see in my memories is real even though we both seem so different.”

“You know it’s real,” Steve says gently, “If you ever have questions about that, you can always ask me.”

Bucky nods. “I know. It’s just – the past always seems so far away. It was a whole different lifetime. And when I have my moments where I doubt myself, where I don’t know if I can trust my mind, it’s easy to think I made all this up. But you’re here, now. And you were there, then. And you’re just as real whether you’re huge or small enough for me to lift with one hand.”

“I’m not _that_ small!” Steve protests, although he sounds a little uncertain, and Bucky’s fairly confident he could carry Steve round under one arm if he wanted when he’s this size. 

Steve reaches a hand up to brush a stray hair from Bucky’s face, and when he speaks again, his voice is soft. “I’m always gonna be here, Buck. I don’t give a shit what size I am, I’ll always fight for you.”

“Me too.” Bucky responds, and he doesn’t think he’s ever spoken truer words in his life.

 

\---

 

Bucky wakes in the night to find that they’re both still fully dressed and lying on top of the covers. Steve is curled into his chest and the neck of his too-big T-shirt has fallen down over his shoulder to reveal the delicate skin and sharp angles of his collar bone. Friday must have turned the lights off when they fell asleep as the only light in the room is coming from outside. Bucky is grateful that the compound is surrounded by trees rather than the busy New York streets so that he gets to see the way the moonlight from outside casts a silvery glow over Steve’s pale skin and hair. He’d happily stay like this all night, watching Steve breathe gently in his sleep, but the other man shifts and presses closer to him, and Bucky feels how cold Steve’s skin is.

Shit. The heat settings in their room are set to accommodate for the higher-than-average heat their serum-enhanced bodies give out. Now Steve’s back to his old body with its crappy immune system and knack of only getting warm when he has a fever, and Bucky is hyperaware of the cool air in the room. 

“Steve,” he murmurs, gently shaking the other man, “Stevie.”

Steve groans and opens his eyes, blinking blearily as he tries to focus on Bucky. If Banner doesn’t work out how to get rid of the chemicals masking the effects of the serum soon, they’re going to have to get Steve some glasses.

“Mm? 'Sup?”

“We fell asleep on top of the covers. You’re freezing.”

“You’d better come warm me up then.” Steve smiles sleepily as he shifts to try to get under the covers.

Bucky smiles at him gently, before pulling his own shirt and jeans off, lying beside Steve once more, and pulling the sheets over them.

Steve immediately burrows down into the covers and pushes himself against Bucky, pressing his freezing feet against Bucky’s legs.

“Ah, that’s cold!” Bucky protests, but doesn’t move away.

Steve smiles and he closes his eyes and reaches round to press his equally cold hands, fingers splayed, to Bucky’s bare back.

Bucky hisses in a breath at the shock of it. 

“You’re a jerk,” he says softly.

“Night, Buck,” is all Steve offers in reply.

Bucky pulls Steve closer to him, wrapping him in his arms and pressing his lips to his head. 

That night he sleeps more soundly than he remembers doing for years.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Comments are more than appreciated <3


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